在寫作之前，我不能和世界碰撞

- 鍾文音

「在這樣的一個春天裡，一些人努力將冬天拋在身後，就像花兒似的默默生長，含苞欲放；另ㄧ些人則命中注定要繼續過一種『含垢忍辱』的生活，就像蕾拉所形容的那樣。」


「流水對一個骯髒的人說：『到這兒來吧。』
骯髒的人說：『我感到羞愧難當。』
流水回答：『沒有我，你如何能洗滌你的污點。』」

The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad

Why Act Three?

A month or two into our friendship, Leslie sat me down to tell me a story. "I don't tell this to many people," she prefaced.

It was a practiced story, I could tell, by the way she moved from plot point to plot point neatly and linearly – by the way she elaborated on the most distressing things as if she were reading from a moving, but familiar, book.

I was 21 then, and Leslie 20. If Leslie freaked when she found out I was a senior – I think her word was "immature" – I often stood in awe of the centeredness she possessed for her age.

In listening to her story, I learned that at the age of 20, she had already lost a mother and moved to another country, adopted a new culture. She had not only scrambled to survive, but worked hard to succeed. She seemed to have gone through more at that age than what some people will experience in a lifetime.

Leslie has an affinity for the literary, appropriately, because her life sometimes reads like a story. She asked me to think of a title for her blog. I thought, if her childhood in Taiwan was Act I of her life, and her maturation into adulthood in the U.S. was Act II, then her return to Taiwan and her search for a place to plant her feet makes a pretty compelling Act Three.


I can only say that I'll be here to read it.

—Andy

"She was just like everyone else, she endured her loneliness in silence, tried to justify everything she did, pretended to be strong when she was feeling weak or weak when she was feeling strong..."

- Paulo Coelho in the Eleven Minutes

Dreaming is very pleasant as long as you are not forced to put your dreams into practice. That way, we avoid all the risks, frustrations and difficulties, and when we are old, we can always blame other people- preferably our parents, our spouses or our children- for our failure to realize our dreams.

- Paulo Coelho

「我是一個敏感的小孩，很容易受傷，但卻不知道怎麼解決。」

「我好想回家，卻不知道怎樣才能讓爸媽快樂。」

「我的人生不是為了追求完美。他[哥哥]追求的是潛力極限，我追求的是人活生生的一面，人各有生存之道。人生的風景各有險峻，我可能是誤入歧途，辛苦，可是能看到奇花。」

─ 焦安溥

When you really want something, the universe will conspire to help you get what you want. Make it happen for you.

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

- Winston Churchill

"There are still days when I pace my living room, crumpled paper at my feet, rejection letters tacked to my bulletin board. If I still smoked, there would be overflowing ashtrays. If I could grow a beard, I would have one. But I no longer have the fear that deep down I'm not supposed to be a writer. You don't get to decide those things. It's not about having a degree or winning a prestigious award or finding a respected mentor. It doesn't have to be about chapbooks and literary journals. How it works now is that if you're writing something someone else is reading, for better or worse, you're a writer. You just have to decide what you're going to do about it."

- Pamela Ribon in Bookmark Now: writing in unreaderly times.

讀鍾文音

站在邊界。我的生命課題。既不想孤單，也不想進入人群，這究竟是如何的邊界之邊界，我不得而知。

鍾文音

天真的渴望

「我們也許都是多有貪求。可是，這會不會是因為，我們對這個世界還充滿了好奇與熱情？會不會是因為，我們在心中還擁有一些天真的渴望？一些如蔓草紋如纏枝花紋般的始終不曾消失的對「美」的夢想？」

席慕蓉

我雖然沒有永恆的青春、不受污染的純真，但有經一事長一智的生命體驗。

─ 陳藹玲

"You can take the girl out of high school, but you can't take high school out of the girl."

The Wonder of Life

"The wonder of life is that even in despair, when things seem hopeless, you still get to choose who you want to be and how you respond. "

- Oprah
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200705/omag_200705_mission.jhtml

聰明過份

Rereading the story years after our first read in junior high school...it surprised me how much the story still moved me and brought tears. 我的淚很快地流下來了Chang man-chuan put it well. Writing isn't always about big words or layered metaphors of how much one's heart aches. It's about touching someone else with the magic of simple words.
I thought of father while listening to Chang . I thought of father and guilt. I thought of WY and E. For sometime I even thought about sending them the story. I wanted someone to share the sentiment with me. I wanted not to be the only one being reminded of the wrongs we've done to each other. I thought about how we can make things better, how, finally, we learn to love without pride.
I did nothing about it. I didn't have the heart to send the story to the ones whom I know I can hurt easily, whose vulnerabilty reminds me of who I was and used to be everday.

朱自清 背影

我與父親不相見已有二年餘了，我最不能忘記的是他的背影。那年冬天，祖母死了，父親的差使也交卸了，正是禍不單行的日子，我從北京到徐州，打算跟著父親奔喪回家。到徐州見著父親，看見滿院狼籍的東西，又想起祖母，不禁簌簌地流下眼淚。

父親說，“事已如此，不必難過，好在天無絕人之路！”

回家變賣典質，父親還了虧空；又借錢辦了喪事。這些日子，家中光景很是慘淡，一半為了喪事，一半為了父親賦閒。喪事完畢，父親要到南京謀事，我也要回到北京唸書，我們便同行。
到南京時，有朋友約去遊逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便須渡江到浦口，下午上車北去。父親因為事忙，本已說定不送我，叫旅館裏一個熟識的茶房陪我同去。他再三囑咐茶房，甚是仔細。但他終於不放心，怕茶房不妥貼；頗躊躇了一會。其實我那年已二十歲，北京已來往過兩三次，是沒有甚麼要緊的了。他躊躇了一會，終於決定還是自己送我去。我兩三回勸他不必去；他只說，“不要緊，他們去不好！”

我們過了江，進了車站。我買票，他忙著照看行李。行李太多了，得向腳夫行些小費，才可過去。他便又忙著和他們講價錢。我那時真是聰明過分，總覺他說話不大漂亮，非自己插嘴不可。但他終於講定了價錢；就送我上車。他給我揀定了靠車門的一張椅子；我將他給我做的紫毛大衣鋪好坐位。他囑我路上小心，夜裏要警醒些，不要受涼。又囑托茶房好好照應我。我心裏暗笑他的迂；他們只認得錢，托他們直是白托！而且我這樣大年紀的人，難道還不能料理自己麼？唉，我現在想想，那時真是太聰明了。

我說道，“爸爸，你走吧。”他往車外看了看，說，“我買幾個桔子去。你就在此地，不要走動。”我看那邊月台的柵欄外有幾個賣東西的等著顧客。走到那邊月台，須穿過鐵道，須跳下去又爬上去。父親是一個胖子，走過去自然要費事些。我本來要去的，他不肯，只好讓他去。我看見他戴著黑布小帽，穿著黑布大馬褂，深青布棉袍，蹣跚地走到鐵道邊，慢慢探身下去，尚不大難。可是他穿過鐵道，要爬上那邊月台，就不容易了。他用兩手攀著上面，兩腳再向上縮；他肥胖的身子向左微傾，顯出努力的樣子。這時我看見他的背影，我的淚很快地流下來了。我趕緊拭乾了淚，怕他看見，也怕別人看見。我再向外看時，他已抱了朱紅的桔子往回走了。過鐵道時，他先將桔子散放在地上，自己慢慢爬下，再抱起桔子走。到這邊時，我趕緊去攙他。他和我走到車上，將桔子一股腦兒放在我的皮大衣上。於是撲撲衣上的泥土，心裏很輕鬆似的，過一會說，“我走了，到那邊來信！”我望著他走出去。他走了幾步，回過頭看見我，說，“進去吧，裏邊沒人。”等他的背影混入來來往往的人裏，再找不著了，我便進來坐下，我的眼淚又來了。

近幾年來，父親和我都是東奔西走，家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外謀生，獨立支持，做了許多大事。哪知老境卻如此頹唐！他觸目傷懷，自然情不能自已。情鬱於中，自然要發之於外；家庭瑣屑便往往觸他之怒。他待我漸漸不同往日。但最近兩年不見，他終於忘卻我的不好，只是惦記著我，惦記著我的兒子。我北來後，他寫了一封信給我，信中說道，“我身體平安，惟膀子疼痛利害，舉箸提筆，諸多不便，大約大去之期不遠矣。”我讀到此處，在晶瑩的淚光中，又看見那肥胖的，青布棉袍，黑布馬褂的北影。唉！我不知何時再能與他相見！

1925年10月在北京

The only defence

"I will not serve that in which I no longer believe, whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defence the only arms I allow myself to use - silence, exile and cunning."

- James Joyce 1882~1941

當光明出現的時候，黑暗就消失

當智慧跟慈悲出現的時候，痛苦跟畏懼也會自然消失

真正的美

「真正的美，都是有靈魂，有底蘊的。還要有信仰。」

─ 席慕蓉

Fact and Story

David-

"Our assessments of others say more about us as observers than they do about the other person."

"Our description of the world is not the world but a description." (it's a story, not facts!)

"Once you accept the fact that life is difficult, it no longer matters that it's difficult. Then we are free to focus on satisfaction and fullfillment. Suffering and regret are the result of seeking to avoid what is difficult."